"the things that i used to do... I aint never gonna do them no more..." - G. Love & Special Sauce, "The Things That I Used To Do"
"no i'll never do that again. well, not until the next time..." - The Smiths
i actually wrote this on december 9th, but for some reason the thingy at the top wants to say december 2nd...
i wrote an article about christmas in slovakia for my friend jenie's e-magazine. you can read it here: http://foodlorelibrary.com/feature/ritual/bathtub-carp-and-walnut-tossing-christmas-dinner-adventures-slovakia
her magazine is all about FOOD, so pass along comments to her if you like it :) the magazine isn't online yet, i don't believe.
a few things have happened. well, they're seismic only in relation to ME, but i would imagine those reading this to find it boring.
i guess i'm still in the same position regarding work and a place to live as the last time i wrote. really not much change there. i just keep trying, and eventually something will work out...
i was thinking the other day about my life in slovakia. it seems like so long ago. but a lot has happened to me in the 2 years since i've been back.
on the lighter side, and not getting all maudlin about my life in europe and missing my friends, i was thinking about the plethora of weird product names i came across in my time there. that's a weird thing to be thinking about.
after i first moved there in 1995, i lived in a teacher dorm and became friends with the guys a few floors below me. they also had a washing machine in their apartment, while i had none, so that was a plus. one day, i loaded the washer with my clothes and attempted to put my powdery detergent in. my detergent was called "Tix." ok, no comment. i spilled a handful of detergent onto my pal's bag of detergent, and sheepishly went to tell him after i got the load started. "hey," i said, "i'm sorry, but i got some of my 'Tix' in your 'Colon.'"
there are a lot of soap products in the country called "Colon." for those of us english speakers, that's odd...
there's a great czech maker of jeanswear that's available in central europe called "Kenvelo." really good stuff, and pretty cheap. they have many stores, and they make all kinds of shirts and other stuff, too. they advertise on MTV europe and are fairly popular. but they're mostly known for their blue jeans.
when i was there, i had an idea for an ad (to the tune of 'hello goodbye' by the beatles)
"you wear levis, and not kenvelo..."
"-velo -velo"
"i don't know why you wear levis, not kenvelo..."
funny and ludicrous and not very imaginative, but for some reason this stuck in my head for many, many years. i suppose the lawyers for levis would have cracked down on me, anyway...
when i was in the hospital in prague, czech republic in 1994, my mother bought me a pair of jeans on the street in prague. i did tell her that you never buy stuff on the street in foreign coutries if you don't want to get ripped off. but she said the jeans were pretty cheap... anyway, the jeans were called "Lehi." other LDS can see the humor in that. suffice to say, the button snapped off when i tried them on...
it's getting colder here, but still no snow. and that's all right :) winter isn't officially for a few more weeks.
i sleep on an air matress at my friends' place. i can deal with that. i had a king-sized matress, really huge. a few weeks ago, i would wake up at 3AM with my butt touching the ground and literally swimming in plastic. the matress was pretty thick, so it must have sprung a ginormous leak. for 4 nights in a row this would happen: me swimming in the matress and fumbling for the light, taking 20 minutes just to get out of the bed, what with my disability, sunken into the plastic mould like some giant cut-out figure of a person. i would stumble down the stairs those 4 nights and sleep on the immobile couch.
when i got a little money, i bought my own air matress. AIR MATRESS?!? why didn't i get a cot or a hammock or even a SLEEPING BAG? there's nothing like waking up on a brisk fall morning with your posterior on the ground...
i recently had to do a neuro-psych evaluation at a shwanky clinic about 30 minutes from me. i had to do this evaluation for the division of vocational rehab. they were paying for everything, so what the heck?
the first part consisted of me having to pour my guts out to a dapper and well-meaning psychoanalyst. he basically wanted to know my recent biography, especially the medical stuff. he said, upon conclusion, that he didn't want to make a diagnosis for me at that time. i had hours on hours of testing yet to do. but he said that my memory problems (which are far better than they were when i had the operation), are associated with DEPRESSION. those of you who know me, have i ever seemed depressed? i know that people who are depressed don't KNOW they are. and while my instinct is to vehemently deny his initial response, it has sure got me wondering...
asking any of you who know me that question about being depressed is certainly unfair. i don't need any validation so that i feel more sound. a big part of me found the whole thing to be humorous, and the other half was panicking. it's like when you pick up that big psychological diagnostic book, the DSM-IV. almost everyone who's picked that up thinks they have just about every psychological abnormality that ever existed. i think it's pretty normal to succumb to that. so until i receive the final results from the doctor, i can't really worry about that, and i don't...
if i don't have any communication with you during the christmas season, i wish you good days!
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Saturday, November 15, 2008
...the middle of Fall
...etc. so i've been urged by many to keep this updated. but i really don't have a whole lot to say right now. things are still static-y this way, but i'll do my best to throw it all into one medium nutshell..
let's see, i was accepted into the program run by the division of vocational rehab. they help you find work. through them i met with a guy in charge of the special ed program at my old high school about a job as a paraprofessional. i have to take a skills test for the school district on wednesday, which is one of the steps in the application process. i was accepted to receive disabled benefits through the DSHS last week. the benefits include food money, a few hundred bucks a month in $ help, and a medical I.D. so i can see a doctor. i feel like a homeless person... i have to take a neuro-psych exam the day before thanksgiving through the vocational rehab to asess what kind of jobs i can do noe, blahblahblah. see? it's really not exciting.
when i don't have those meetings or make phone calls, i end up sitting around. for long periods. so it will be boring for several days, then i'm involved in a flurry of activities one or two days. i haven't done that much in the way of "leisure" activities since i arrived. once things get settled i'll be able to do more for myself along those lines...
being disabled now has SOME advantages. i don't have to run. i never liked running, and i can only manage a kind of skip-jog now. i have always had a problem with bees, though, so running away from them could be a problem.
those family members who are reading this can hearken back to last memorial day. we were all sitting outside enjoying a barbeque. i was sitting, and i had a plate on my lap loaded with bratwurst and salads of many kinds. a bee landed on my right arm. i freaked out and my arm, through stroke-induced uncontrollability, flexed its meandering reflexes and threw my plate into the air. suffice to say, the food went everywhere with most of it, including the bratwurst, plopping onto my lap. my dear brother-in-law said, "wow, you have a weiner between your legs!"
if i'm ever confronted by a bear or a burglar, i guess they won't take any heed to my cries of "i'm disabled, leave me alone!" i just better hope i'm not confronted by bears or burglars. or buses. or anything else that begins with a "b." oh, and bees, too.
i've never shied away from physical work, but i've never LIKED it. who really LIKES it? but i don't have to do it any more! even unloading a dishwasher can be a chore, and that poops me out, and i end up taking a 3-hour nap from simply unloading the dishwasher. i wrote "unloading the dishwasher" twice in that sentence, sorry!
and my memory? forget it! as i've said to some of you, i can remember everything except the last few months leading up to the stroke. but i don't remember immediate conversations now or phone calls or e-mails right away. how conveeeeeeeenient. that's getting much better, though.
i took a college class online a few months ago. i passed it with a B. but i would have to reread the text just after i read it. if i took the class now, i think i'd get an A :) my reading skills have gotten much better. i've read 8 or 9 books since i've been here, and that has retrained my brain, so that's a good thing.
yes, i've tried to work around the disability, but i'm still learning. i'd say it was "fun," but it just ends up as frustrating most of the time. still, i'm really thankful that people around me have been patient with me. as you readers have been, also. if i didn't get help from those around me, and the organizations i've been working with, i'd be extremely lost.
we didn't have a compter for over a week. it went kaput, so i haven't been online and haven't been able to update this. but since i've been back online, i haven't heard of any major calamities befalling anyone i know. i hope that still holds true! let me know how you are, whenever you get the chance. as they say in slovak, do videnia...
let's see, i was accepted into the program run by the division of vocational rehab. they help you find work. through them i met with a guy in charge of the special ed program at my old high school about a job as a paraprofessional. i have to take a skills test for the school district on wednesday, which is one of the steps in the application process. i was accepted to receive disabled benefits through the DSHS last week. the benefits include food money, a few hundred bucks a month in $ help, and a medical I.D. so i can see a doctor. i feel like a homeless person... i have to take a neuro-psych exam the day before thanksgiving through the vocational rehab to asess what kind of jobs i can do noe, blahblahblah. see? it's really not exciting.
when i don't have those meetings or make phone calls, i end up sitting around. for long periods. so it will be boring for several days, then i'm involved in a flurry of activities one or two days. i haven't done that much in the way of "leisure" activities since i arrived. once things get settled i'll be able to do more for myself along those lines...
being disabled now has SOME advantages. i don't have to run. i never liked running, and i can only manage a kind of skip-jog now. i have always had a problem with bees, though, so running away from them could be a problem.
those family members who are reading this can hearken back to last memorial day. we were all sitting outside enjoying a barbeque. i was sitting, and i had a plate on my lap loaded with bratwurst and salads of many kinds. a bee landed on my right arm. i freaked out and my arm, through stroke-induced uncontrollability, flexed its meandering reflexes and threw my plate into the air. suffice to say, the food went everywhere with most of it, including the bratwurst, plopping onto my lap. my dear brother-in-law said, "wow, you have a weiner between your legs!"
if i'm ever confronted by a bear or a burglar, i guess they won't take any heed to my cries of "i'm disabled, leave me alone!" i just better hope i'm not confronted by bears or burglars. or buses. or anything else that begins with a "b." oh, and bees, too.
i've never shied away from physical work, but i've never LIKED it. who really LIKES it? but i don't have to do it any more! even unloading a dishwasher can be a chore, and that poops me out, and i end up taking a 3-hour nap from simply unloading the dishwasher. i wrote "unloading the dishwasher" twice in that sentence, sorry!
and my memory? forget it! as i've said to some of you, i can remember everything except the last few months leading up to the stroke. but i don't remember immediate conversations now or phone calls or e-mails right away. how conveeeeeeeenient. that's getting much better, though.
i took a college class online a few months ago. i passed it with a B. but i would have to reread the text just after i read it. if i took the class now, i think i'd get an A :) my reading skills have gotten much better. i've read 8 or 9 books since i've been here, and that has retrained my brain, so that's a good thing.
yes, i've tried to work around the disability, but i'm still learning. i'd say it was "fun," but it just ends up as frustrating most of the time. still, i'm really thankful that people around me have been patient with me. as you readers have been, also. if i didn't get help from those around me, and the organizations i've been working with, i'd be extremely lost.
we didn't have a compter for over a week. it went kaput, so i haven't been online and haven't been able to update this. but since i've been back online, i haven't heard of any major calamities befalling anyone i know. i hope that still holds true! let me know how you are, whenever you get the chance. as they say in slovak, do videnia...
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
... the start of Fall
i HATE BLOGS!! well, hate is a strong word... "dislike very much" would seem more appropriate. people have encouraged me, these last few years, to write something down, but i've been apprehensive about it because i feel that blogs are a waste of time. it's kind of like looking in someone's diary, except that person WANTS you to read it. when i look at it as an "extended" e-mail, i embrace it more. so, here i am. i've always felt that blogs were a way for people to rattle on about NOTHING, only what interests THEM, so i've shied away from the whole thing. but i guess it's better than sending out e-mails that most people won't respond to. if you don't want to read the blog,you don't have to...
i don't use capitals when i write. it's not from the operation, just pure laziness. i did this BEFORE the operation, actually.
i thought this would be better than sending out a form e-mail to everyone, although i don't have pictures. yet. pictures make it more lively, and you don't have to write as many WORDS, so i'll understand if no one wants to read this :D
i just wanted to let folks know where i am at the moment, physically and mentally...
the move from illinois to washington has been really good for me. i've never been one to just lay down and let others take care of me. i've been wanting to do things for myself, and i jumped into this new life. no one wants to start over at 40, but i forced myself to do just that.
things have gone pretty well. i met with the department of vocational rehab when i arrived. i'm just waiting to be accepted into their program. they help you find work that you can DO. that should happen in the next few weeks. i met with deseret industries. that's a church-run thrift store in seattle. working at a thrift store really isn't my bag, but they have a rehab program. that also looks good, but i have to wait to hear from the girl there. i contacted through e-mail the humanresources guy at the mental health place in bremerton where i worked four years ago. talked to him by phone last friday. he has work for me at a group home. that should pan out in the next few days. i have also been to the DSHS in bremerton twice and they will help me with food and cash assistance. but again, that should take about a week. see a pattern? i want things to happen NOW, but i have to exercise a little patience and wait. i HATE WAITING :) but things should come together in the next week or so. there are a lot of "shoulds" in there....
my original goal was to live in seattle. i think i'll have to settle for bremerton if i get a job at the old place where i worked. but it's still close to seattle...
i went to the final sounders game a week from last friday. well, their final game as a USL team. they become a major league soccer team (MLS) next year, owned in part by drew carey, of all people. so the match was a lot of fun, and they won. i went with jenni, dave, and jenni's husband bill.
and what's happening to the seahawks? argggghhhhh!! at least the baseball play-offs have been fun to watch... seattle sports are in a dismal state!
i'll go see my buddy rusty play jazz piano in tacoma on monday, which will also be the first time i meet up with my friend daidrie, who moved here from chicago in May and is a great pal.
i really haven't done a whole lot since i've been here.
my sister katie took pictures of my brother seth and i justbefore i left, so i'll sort through them and throw something up here; i know it seems so dry with no photos.
i met with my older sister beth two weeks ago, the first time i'd seen her since i was in a hospital bed with gauze wrapped around my head. that was a really good afternoon. we went to my little storage unit, filled with boxes i hadn't seen for 4 years. i pulled out a coat i sorely needed and a sweatshirt. we went to lunch and then, after getting flowers, we went to dad's grave and sang him a song. i'm sure i'll go back there, and i'm glad i went before i'd been here too long.
i think people who know me and what i've been through don't know what to expect, physically, when they haven't seen me. i look worse on paper, i guess. i really try to look and act as normally as possible, and i think i pull it off pretty well. if i don't use the cane, most strangers just think i hurt my leg. but my disability is something i think about all the time, and it affects every single thing i do. all the time. that's annoying. sometimes, i wish i would just wake up and all this would've been a bad dream. but it's not. i could've just laid down and died a long time ago, and i really do amaze myself when i think "am i really in washington now, and did i DO this?" i've tried not to think about the bad "what ifs?" or i'll drive myself crazy.
ok, so i haven't been COMPLETELY bored here. i've been able to catch up on a few movies, etc... the first 3 days i was here, i watched the first season of "lost" on DVD. then i watched the second. i'm currently in the middle of the third, and i'll tell ya, what a weird and engrossing show that is. i saw quite a few varied movies:
son of rambow (i saw it twice, funny and sweet)
letters from iwo jima (harrowing and left me drained at the end)
be kind rewind (quirky and weird)
the fall (beautiful)
across the universe (not bad, for a beatles musical)
the darjeeling limited (typical anderson fare, with all its quirks)
there will be blood (slow and grating, but superb performances from daniel day-lewis & paul dano)
p.s. i love you (insipid, tepid, torpid, and anything else ending in "id")
i think that's an american hobby, watching movies. we don't do anything in the evening, just pop in a movie.
speaking of watching that hated box, i watched the presedential debate last night. (watch me raising my eyebrow...) i know politics can be a sensitive thing in my family. most folks in my family lean to the right (republican), while i have leaned to the left (democrat) in the last few years. that doesn't entirely come from the time i lived in europe. i mean,while i was there, i was able to shape my own opinions. but i think we can't base our voting procedures on the basis of morals alone. in a perfect world, we would go that way. but it's far from a perfect world, and i think candidates from both parties are increasingly meeting in the middle or adopting policies from the "other" side. you have democrats who are against gay marriage and republicans who are pro-abortion. i think we just have to feel for ourselves where we want to vote. i just feel, AT THIS TIME, that the democrats are in a better position to pull this country out of the funk we're in. it doesn't mean I'M A DEMOCRAT,i consider myself more of "in the midle." but AT THIS TIME, again, i am leaning more towards the democrat ticket. i hope that clears up my position for anyone who feels like responding to me with guns a-blazin'. know this: i've heard the arguments for both sides, and whatever hair-pulling or epithets that are aimed my way, it won't change my mind THIS ELECTION. but, as i say, that doesn't mean my opinion won't change in the FOLLOWING election.
a person's political leanings are like their tastes in music: very personal. you start getting on someone about their music likes and you're asking for a lot of trouble :D
did i mention it's CCCCCCCOLD?!? FREEZING, at least for me. i got up at 7:30 today and it was 39 degrees. during the day it's been about 55-60. warm in most places, but not here. it wouldn't be so bad, but the people i'm staying with refuse to turn on their heat. i slept last night wearing my hooded zippy sweatshirt, and i've been bundled up on the couch with my blanket all morning. and it's not just them. i think it's everyone in this state. the sun is out, so they THINK it's warm. we picked apples and pears yesterday at a few friend's houses, and at one point i looked at the house across the street and they had their DOOR OPEN. people here go nuts when the sun is out. i mean, i lived here for a long time, and the weather here does suit me. but can we turn up the heat? :)
i hope all of you are well. and it would be great to talk to most of you soon!!
christian
i don't use capitals when i write. it's not from the operation, just pure laziness. i did this BEFORE the operation, actually.
i thought this would be better than sending out a form e-mail to everyone, although i don't have pictures. yet. pictures make it more lively, and you don't have to write as many WORDS, so i'll understand if no one wants to read this :D
i just wanted to let folks know where i am at the moment, physically and mentally...
the move from illinois to washington has been really good for me. i've never been one to just lay down and let others take care of me. i've been wanting to do things for myself, and i jumped into this new life. no one wants to start over at 40, but i forced myself to do just that.
things have gone pretty well. i met with the department of vocational rehab when i arrived. i'm just waiting to be accepted into their program. they help you find work that you can DO. that should happen in the next few weeks. i met with deseret industries. that's a church-run thrift store in seattle. working at a thrift store really isn't my bag, but they have a rehab program. that also looks good, but i have to wait to hear from the girl there. i contacted through e-mail the humanresources guy at the mental health place in bremerton where i worked four years ago. talked to him by phone last friday. he has work for me at a group home. that should pan out in the next few days. i have also been to the DSHS in bremerton twice and they will help me with food and cash assistance. but again, that should take about a week. see a pattern? i want things to happen NOW, but i have to exercise a little patience and wait. i HATE WAITING :) but things should come together in the next week or so. there are a lot of "shoulds" in there....
my original goal was to live in seattle. i think i'll have to settle for bremerton if i get a job at the old place where i worked. but it's still close to seattle...
i went to the final sounders game a week from last friday. well, their final game as a USL team. they become a major league soccer team (MLS) next year, owned in part by drew carey, of all people. so the match was a lot of fun, and they won. i went with jenni, dave, and jenni's husband bill.
and what's happening to the seahawks? argggghhhhh!! at least the baseball play-offs have been fun to watch... seattle sports are in a dismal state!
i'll go see my buddy rusty play jazz piano in tacoma on monday, which will also be the first time i meet up with my friend daidrie, who moved here from chicago in May and is a great pal.
i really haven't done a whole lot since i've been here.
my sister katie took pictures of my brother seth and i justbefore i left, so i'll sort through them and throw something up here; i know it seems so dry with no photos.
i met with my older sister beth two weeks ago, the first time i'd seen her since i was in a hospital bed with gauze wrapped around my head. that was a really good afternoon. we went to my little storage unit, filled with boxes i hadn't seen for 4 years. i pulled out a coat i sorely needed and a sweatshirt. we went to lunch and then, after getting flowers, we went to dad's grave and sang him a song. i'm sure i'll go back there, and i'm glad i went before i'd been here too long.
i think people who know me and what i've been through don't know what to expect, physically, when they haven't seen me. i look worse on paper, i guess. i really try to look and act as normally as possible, and i think i pull it off pretty well. if i don't use the cane, most strangers just think i hurt my leg. but my disability is something i think about all the time, and it affects every single thing i do. all the time. that's annoying. sometimes, i wish i would just wake up and all this would've been a bad dream. but it's not. i could've just laid down and died a long time ago, and i really do amaze myself when i think "am i really in washington now, and did i DO this?" i've tried not to think about the bad "what ifs?" or i'll drive myself crazy.
ok, so i haven't been COMPLETELY bored here. i've been able to catch up on a few movies, etc... the first 3 days i was here, i watched the first season of "lost" on DVD. then i watched the second. i'm currently in the middle of the third, and i'll tell ya, what a weird and engrossing show that is. i saw quite a few varied movies:
son of rambow (i saw it twice, funny and sweet)
letters from iwo jima (harrowing and left me drained at the end)
be kind rewind (quirky and weird)
the fall (beautiful)
across the universe (not bad, for a beatles musical)
the darjeeling limited (typical anderson fare, with all its quirks)
there will be blood (slow and grating, but superb performances from daniel day-lewis & paul dano)
p.s. i love you (insipid, tepid, torpid, and anything else ending in "id")
i think that's an american hobby, watching movies. we don't do anything in the evening, just pop in a movie.
speaking of watching that hated box, i watched the presedential debate last night. (watch me raising my eyebrow...) i know politics can be a sensitive thing in my family. most folks in my family lean to the right (republican), while i have leaned to the left (democrat) in the last few years. that doesn't entirely come from the time i lived in europe. i mean,while i was there, i was able to shape my own opinions. but i think we can't base our voting procedures on the basis of morals alone. in a perfect world, we would go that way. but it's far from a perfect world, and i think candidates from both parties are increasingly meeting in the middle or adopting policies from the "other" side. you have democrats who are against gay marriage and republicans who are pro-abortion. i think we just have to feel for ourselves where we want to vote. i just feel, AT THIS TIME, that the democrats are in a better position to pull this country out of the funk we're in. it doesn't mean I'M A DEMOCRAT,i consider myself more of "in the midle." but AT THIS TIME, again, i am leaning more towards the democrat ticket. i hope that clears up my position for anyone who feels like responding to me with guns a-blazin'. know this: i've heard the arguments for both sides, and whatever hair-pulling or epithets that are aimed my way, it won't change my mind THIS ELECTION. but, as i say, that doesn't mean my opinion won't change in the FOLLOWING election.
a person's political leanings are like their tastes in music: very personal. you start getting on someone about their music likes and you're asking for a lot of trouble :D
did i mention it's CCCCCCCOLD?!? FREEZING, at least for me. i got up at 7:30 today and it was 39 degrees. during the day it's been about 55-60. warm in most places, but not here. it wouldn't be so bad, but the people i'm staying with refuse to turn on their heat. i slept last night wearing my hooded zippy sweatshirt, and i've been bundled up on the couch with my blanket all morning. and it's not just them. i think it's everyone in this state. the sun is out, so they THINK it's warm. we picked apples and pears yesterday at a few friend's houses, and at one point i looked at the house across the street and they had their DOOR OPEN. people here go nuts when the sun is out. i mean, i lived here for a long time, and the weather here does suit me. but can we turn up the heat? :)
i hope all of you are well. and it would be great to talk to most of you soon!!
christian
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